No One for Hire

I love clean surroundings.  My brain is connected by some invisible force to the areas around me.  When they are organized, my thinking is organized.  That kind of thing.  I work from home, and to stay focused on my work I can't be thinking about the dishes in the sink or the laundry that needs washed.  So I try to keep things picked up... but I also share my home with a hard working husband who already does more than his share.  Two adult college students who can do disappearing acts at will after lengthy bouts of unconsciousness.  A shedding Siberian Husky, named Sonja, who I think is trying to clone herself from the hair she leaves behind.  And two yellow cats, named Calvin & Hobbes, that think they own the place.  (I'm just the staff that's here to serve them.)  We also seem to have an invisible elf.  

If I ask, "Who left this cup sitting here?"  Or, "Who tracked in the mud?"  The usual answer is, "It wasn't me!"  I have only to assume the elf is guilty.  I wake up in the morning to leftovers missing from the fridge, more dirty dishes in the sink, computers left running, lights turned on, and books laying around.  Again, when I ask about it, no one did it.  No one left the garage door open.  No one left the video controls out.  No one has left a sticky mess of who-knows-what on the kitchen counter.  No one left the dog tied out all night.  And no one had a friend call the house at 1:00am.  No one seems to be guilty.  So, I must assume this elf of ours is named, No One.  And No One needs to work for me.

Yes, I'd like to hire No One.  Just think of what could be accomplished if I had this little guy on MY side. 

"Who's doing the laundry?" they ask.  

I could answer, "No One."    

"Who's fixing dinner?"    

And again I could say, "No One."    

They cry out, "Where's my keys?" 

And I can answer, "Maybe No One has them!"

"Who's turn is it to clean the cat litter box?"  Well, No One will do this too.  

Yes, No One and I will make a great team!  My surroundings may not get any cleaner, but I sure would be a lot happier about it.  Now, if I just knew where to find the little guy.  Seems he lives in a place called, I Don't Know.  And when I find out where that is, maybe I can get my missing twenty bucks back too!

 

Sorry kids - I couldn't help myself - No One made me do it!!